i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
God, you're like boner-b-gone
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
