There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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