Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
