watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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