You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
