You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
