I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Randomize
