Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
