he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Drunk is a universal language darling
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
