I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
