Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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