Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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