gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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