mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
