This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
