her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
