If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
