My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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