4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
