I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
