his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
