whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
