never play flip cup with pint glasses
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
