she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
