You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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