Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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