I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
