Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
