come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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