My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
