Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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