Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
