Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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