I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
how can u be prego again
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
