My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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