What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
