you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
