We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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