if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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