why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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