You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
