my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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