two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
