I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
