I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
