just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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