I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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