Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
You left your phone here
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