I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
