I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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