He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
A bitchslap is in order.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
