Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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