I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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