READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
