Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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